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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

I mean... really??

To say that we have a lot on our plates lately is the understatement of the century.

With an impending move, issues with the apartment complex that we're moving into not having their sh*t together and changing our lease-start date THREE TIMES!!!, Grant looking for a new job, maintaining my job, building a new house, nanny moving thus being worried that she's going to abandon us... well, you can see how it hasn't exactly been the lazy, hazy days of summer this year. And Summer means no school, which means Hayes has been on a break from any structured activities for the last three weeks (he starts camp next week, thank god) and while I do thoroughly enjoy having the little guy around, I can literally see him losing his mind as he runs around the kitchen in the morning like a wild man in nothing but his underoos, pretending to sting all of the members of the family as if he's a little bee.

Oh and the word 'bored' has been added to his vocabulary, which has been lovely (especially when you're on a private beach in Laguna on the fourth of July watching him play with his bestie and he claims he's the b word - wait, what?!).

Anyways, this week has been especially stressful with the whole moving thing and due to the aforementioned unorganized apartment complex inconveniencing us and our new buyers because of a stubborn tenant who won't leave the unit we were supposed to be occupying in 4 days time, we've had to re-arrange the move too many times to count.

I think we're finally on for Monday, July 20th, which gives us a little under 10 days to get our acts together and pack up 4.5 years of accumulated stuff to squeeze into our temporary townhome. 
Can you tell how excited I am?

What was most enlightening about this whole experience is how straight up wacko religion is. Lemme explain.

I am all for people having their own beliefs about religion, even though I consider myself to be part of the agnostic camp of life. I'd like to think there's something more after our time on earth and there's comfort in thinking that there's a higher power out there that's looking over us and out for us (although I don't think it's an invisible man in the sky, per se). 

We currently live in a very Jewish neighborhood and I am more educated than I ever imagined I would be on the various traditions and customs of Judaism. We've had to turn on neighbor's lights on Friday nights when they go dark for shabbas because their timers haven't worked. We've had one single arranged trick-or-treater in our 4 years of living here whom we gave kosher Dove Promises chocolates to. We know when we can't frequent the kosher restaurants because they're closed for a multiple day fast and we have even talked about a new business venture making stylish sukkahs for Sukkot b/c we can't for the life of us understand why their outdoor dining during this holiday needs to be under a bright white plain as can be tent.

But when we were told that we couldn't close on the house on the date we wanted to, which basically means we have to pay an extra 5 days of our mortgage while also forking over the cash for an overpriced lease because the buyers would be observing The Nine Days, we were floored.

Do yourself a favor and click on the link above, for you will be fascinated that in the year 2015, people still adhere to this absolute nonsense. 

I mean!

Basically, this "holiday" is a period of mourning, where the Jewish can't partake in anything that brings them joy. Buying a new home = joy, so you guessed it, they aren't allowed to do it.

They also aren't allowed to:

- bathe for pleasure. I read somewhere that they have to take cold baths, and if they need to add some hot water in order to get the dirt off, they can, but not enough to make it a pleasant temperature.
- cut their fingernails
- wear laundered clothing. If they want to wear clothing that's been recently laundered, they have to wear it for a few hours before the nine day period so it isn't considered freshly laundered.
- eat meat or drink wine, but in some households, children 6-8 years old are allowed to drink wine (what?!)
- buy new clothing, UNLESS they would be missing a big sale
- shine their shoes, but they can polish them with wax

I. Just. Can't.

We're tired of the back and forth so we're sucking it up and absorbing the costs, but I guess our last nine days of living in the Kibbutz, we're going to be surrounded by sad, starving, smelly jews with long fingernails. But at least they can hit up the half yearly sale at Nordies!

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.


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