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Monday, May 15, 2017

My most important job...

Mother's Day has quickly become one of my favorite holidays and this year was no exception. I've said in the past that Mother's Day is so special because it's the only holiday I had to earn. And lately, with work requiring the hubs to travel pretty much every week, leaving me in single mom mode a lot of the time, I feel as though I really earned it this year!

I'm by no means saying that I don't have help. I am extremely fortunate with the daily support system I have around me - an amazing nanny whom I have an open and honest relationship with, a mother-in-law who takes her role as grandma very seriously (and does an A+ job at it) and a hands-on husband who, when he is in town, is able to be flexible and available, allowing me to experience moments in all of the kids' lives I might otherwise not be able to experience being tied down with three kids. Whoever said "It takes a village" wasn't lying - and without these three things being constants in my life every week, I'd be struggling to keep my head above the water for sure.
This Mother's Day was extra special because the boys are finally at an age where they kind of get it. Well, Hayes at least does and Greyson follows suit to whatever Hayes does, so in this case, that was a bonus. Hayes made me not one, not two, but three cards, telling me how much he loved his "Mome" (how he spells Mommy - my heart explodes) and drawing the cutest little pictures of upside down hearts that looked like bums. He also gave me an adorable handmade picture frame, which he insisted we find a picture of the whole family for, including Henny Bear. It's now sitting on my desk at work and provides something nice and new to look at. Greyson also made me a card, filled with stickers and "scribble scrabble", which he's convinced himself is the only thing he knows how to do. Both of them humored me yesterday and wore shirts with collars - they took my breath away when I saw how nicely they cleaned up and our waitress at The Lobster, where we go every year for Mother's Day brunch, even remarked that our table won for best looking family. Ha!
We followed up brunch with our annual ride on the ferris wheel at the Santa Monica Pier, then Hayes and I took a couple spins on the roller coaster. He claims he had a good time, even though he told me his penis hurt the entire first time and then I captured him on video saying he felt like he "was going to barf" the second time around, but I thought it was a hoot. After ice cream and a failed attempt at winning a Pokemon pikachu in one of those impossible carnival games, we headed home and Grant was on daddy duty as I slipped away for my annual mother's day mani/pedi. 
What more could a girl want?!
I know how lucky I am to have what I have, but Mother's Day always makes me a little extra nostalgic and is a good reminder to stop and soak it all in. I spend my life in a constant struggle - the mundane every day tasks can be exhausting with three kids under the age of six and it's easy to wish these years away, reassuring yourself that easier times lie ahead. But then I also panic that it's all going by too fast and before I know it, my babies aren't going to want to have anything to do with me - and that scares the living hell out of me. I want to freeze time, hold onto these moments and soak in every second of being needed and wanted. But I'm also human.

I read a great quote the other day, from a book I actually gave a few moms in my life for Mother's Day... "You are always a mom. But you aren't only a mom." It's a hard thing to do, find that balance between what is without a doubt the most important job I will ever have, but also trying to maintain my own identity and life outside of motherhood. I try to do that - I think it's important for them and for me. And as my kids get a little bit older, I'm finding it easier to do, which is a relief. 
At the end of the day, what matters is that I'm doing my best. I hope my kids will look back on their childhoods and remember my current state as a mother as more than me just yelling at them to put their shoes on and clean up their toys. I want to create experiences that are rewarding for both of us, individual relationships with each of my kids that are meaningful and have depth. For at the end of the day, no matter what else is going on in my life, these kids are my world and I would do literally anything for them.

This post is littered with snapshots from when we're all dressed up and ready to pose in front of the camera, but pictures like the one below, which Hayes actually captured a few months ago, is what being a mother is really about...
Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there who are doing their best. You are appreciated more than you know and I hope you felt even a tiny ounce of that on your special day.
Me and my mom, circa 1984.

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